Tuesday, 19 July 2011

The stars welcome me to a mundane future.

This weeks entry implied that I should embrace a simple life, suggesting less is more. I defeated my horoscope last week. I finally looked into its non-existent eyes , ignored its authority, and led the most wild life style. Lindsay Lohan would be sooo jealous of my sick behaviour! I forced drugs into the orifices' of individuals who denied me access to their areas (their basements you pervert!), I performed disgusting acts with tramps and animals (these acts included cuddles- again you are so repulsive for thinking that- if Freud was still alive I would advise you to see him), and took some inspiration from Ke$ha and brushed my teeth on a daily basis, with a bottle of Jack Daniels. That last part was true...

Let's cut to the chase-time to get down to business. (I enjoyed my use of cliche phrases there, I am becoming quite the writer).

By the way, did I ever tell you that I put the BUS in business? No, probably not, I just always wanted to put the "word" in another "word"...Sorry.

Under no circumstances push yourself too hard this week, even when doing things you rather enjoy. The full approaching Full Moon warns in no uncertain terms that you must take better care of your health. No matter how ambitious a Leo you may be, if you take on too much over the next few days you will regret it. Be kind to yourself.

The one thing that I enjoy the most in life is socialising. I would say that I have an alright social life, pretty average actually, I interact with approximately thirteen friends on a good day. However, this number plumbets to twelve on a good day. It's such a shame, most of these "friends" are strangers who I pay to walk alongside me whilst I carry out my chores. Therefore, I was greatly saddended when this weeks horoscope informed me that I should not push myself too much with the things I enjoy. Sounds to me like my horoscope was telling me that I should have been a bored recluse last week, as the only thing I enjoy in life is chilling with friends. Nontheless, I am grateful for this advise, I have needed permission to be a lazy hermit for quite some time. I just never thought it was socially acceptable to ignore everyone in my life, especially the people I don't know.

Surely, my horoscope should have advised me to avoid the things that I do not enjoy? I don't think I can push myself too much with hanging out with friends (as they are all very dull individuals), unless my friends were planning on consecutively pushing me over, which would injure me...if I didn't have abs of steel!! For future reference, I advise my horoscope to advise me to avoid the things I do not enjoy. It should have told me to avoid my hospital appointment. Last Wednesday, I woke up to go to the hospital, waited two hours, in order for the doctor to consistently inform me of his name, "My name is Andreas, my name is Andreas, my name is Andreas, My name is Andreas". "Sorry, what was your name? I didn't quite catch that!" Then, as fast as you can say ABRACADABRA he told me that my broken ankle was fixed. I wasn't expecting that diagnosis, considering my ankle had six weeks to heal, and the healing time had terminated...I will never get those two hours back. Did my horoscope mention something about my health? That's right you must take better care of your health. I think my horoscope should have said, " you must take better care of your time". Thanks for the tip doctor, you must have gone to the same med school as ANDREAS.

 You must take better care of your health. I have been running lately. Is that a healthy activity, which promotes good health? Oh, but then this weeks entry told me that I shouldn't push myself too much. How much healthy activity is enough for my health?My horoscope is a stationary contradiction. I believe this suggests I should run, but not to the point that my hips hurt, knees lock, and muscles ache. Uh-Oh It's too late now. My hips did hurt, my knees did lock and muscles did ache last week. I really regret exercising last week. Running three times last week has to be one of my greatest regrets in life, seeing as my broken ankle is no longer broken. Maybe I would have regretted it more if my ankle was still broken...

No matter how ambitious a Leo you may be, if you take on too much over the next few days you will regret it. They say you regret the things you don't do, not the things that you do do. If I never regret anything, how am I supposed to learn. I guess my horoscope, is trying to protect me whilst resurrecting the sheltered life my mother forced upon me as a teenager. Last week, I went to a private gallery viewing which has enabled me to make contacts for future work experience. If I listened to last weeks entry when it was published I would have taken it very seriously, and I would have not attended the viewing, as I would not have wanted to face the consequences of pushing myself into new opportunities. It's a shame I have ambitions. Additionally, I shouldn't be revising for my exams in August , as I need to shove everything in my head the night before. I will regret revising at a steady pace much more than cramming my head. Oh, and I really regret going out for my friends 21st Birthday , who lives an hour away from home, and going to my part time job the next day. My friend will be 21 forever, yet my weekend job is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I am so stupid. I suppose I had best listen to Robbie Williams "No Regrets" to cushion my mental turmoil.

The kindest thing I did to myself last week was ignore this horoscope, and regard it retrospectively. Oh, wait, I do that everyweek. DAMN!! My life sucks...

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